In the theme, Mr. Parker, Jr. spends approximately 4 minutes and 4 seconds trying convince us that he is not afraid of ghosts. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s ridiculous for several reasons.
First, Mr. Parker, Jr.’s grammar reveals a lot. He proclaims throughout the song, “I ain’t afraid of no ghost!” Grammar 101 tells us that his proclamation is a double negative and actually means that he is afraid of ghosts. It doesn’t end there, however.
Mr. Parker, Jr. also states over 10 times during the song that he “ain’t afraid of no ghost!” He is in denial. Have you ever heard the Shakespeare quote, “The lady protests too much, methinks“? You’re fixated, Mr. Parker, Jr. If you’re not afraid of a ghost, say it once with emphasis and move on.
Then there’s the false machismo that Mr. Parker, Jr. displays, singing, “Bustin’ makes me feel good.” This man is overcompensating for his fear of ghosts. There is no evidence that he knows what “bustin'” is or, even if he does, that he’s engaged in “bustin’,” ever. I, for one, have seen no evidence of it.
Finally, there is the anxiety-induced deafness that Mr. Parker, Jr. displays at the end of the song. How many times do we have to tell him to call Ghostbusters in response to his fright-filled inquisition? In fact, he begs us to say “Ghostbusters” louder. What’s that about? Indeed, the best evidence of his fear is when he states, “I can’t hear you . . . .” before the song fades out. I have listened to those rejoinders, Mr. Parker, Jr., and it’s loud and clear that the chorus thinks you should call Ghostbusters.
Oh, Mr. Parker, Jr., you magnificent bastard. I read your book! You, Sir, are afraid of ghosts.