Tina Turner/Bonnie Tyler – Point/Counterpoint

Forget the political debates, the debate between Tina Turner and Bonnie Tyler is more interesting: Holding Out For A Hero (Bonnie Tyler) versus We Don’t Need Another Hero (Thunderdome) (Tina Turner)


Ray Parker, Jr. Is Afraid of Ghosts – An Analysis


Ray Erskine Parker, Jr. isn’t telling the truth. The evidence demonstrates that Mr. Parker, Jr. is, indeed, afraid of ghosts. An analysis of the theme to “Ghostbusters” demonstrates the point.

In the theme, Mr. Parker, Jr. spends approximately 4 minutes and 4 seconds trying convince us that he is not afraid of ghosts. I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but that’s ridiculous for several reasons.

First, Mr. Parker, Jr.’s grammar reveals a lot. He proclaims throughout the song, “I ain’t afraid of no ghost!” Grammar 101 tells us that his proclamation is a double negative and actually means that he is afraid of ghosts. It doesn’t end there, however.

Mr. Parker, Jr. also states over 10 times during the song that he “ain’t afraid of no ghost!” He is in denial. Have you ever heard the Shakespeare quote, “The lady protests too much, methinks“? You’re fixated, Mr. Parker, Jr. If you’re not afraid of a ghost, say it once with emphasis and move on.

Then there’s the false machismo that Mr. Parker, Jr. displays, singing, “Bustin’ makes me feel good.” This man is overcompensating for his fear of ghosts. There is no evidence that he knows what “bustin'” is or, even if he does, that he’s engaged in “bustin’,” ever. I, for one, have seen no evidence of it.

Finally, there is the anxiety-induced deafness that Mr. Parker, Jr. displays at the end of the song. How many times do we have to tell him to call Ghostbusters in response to his fright-filled inquisition? In fact, he begs us to say “Ghostbusters” louder. What’s that about? Indeed, the best evidence of his fear is when he states, “I can’t hear you . . . .” before the song fades out. I have listened to those rejoinders, Mr. Parker, Jr., and it’s loud and clear that the chorus thinks you should call Ghostbusters.

Oh, Mr. Parker, Jr., you magnificent bastard. I read your book! You, Sir, are afraid of ghosts.


An Analysis of “I’ve Got A Man”

In the song “I Got A Man,” Positive K attempts to “pick up” a sassy women with smooth lines like, “I’m Big Daddy Longstroke and your man is Pee Wee Herman.” There a number of flaws in this song, almost too many to list.

For example, I don’t know who Mr. Longstroke is but if this woman’s man is Pee Wee Herman, she’s hanging with a successful and wealthy Hollywood entertainer. Rob Zombie is friends with Pee Wee Herman. Who is cooler than that, Mr. Longstroke and Mr. K?

There are more fundamental problems with this song. This back-and-forth goes on for over four minutes. What man is going to take rejection from a woman in a public place for four minutes? What woman sticks around for four minutes telling some random dude that she’s not interested? More important, is this woman so great that he would spend over four minutes asking her to give him the time of day?

The takeaway I got from this song is that Positive K is a narcissistic stalker. His name should be changed to Inappropriately Persistent K. The next time you step to a fine woman, Mr. K, remind yourself that chivalry is not dead. I think it’s you Mr. K. who has the problem, not the betrothed woman you pester throughout this song.